Why My Boys Cleaned Toilets and My Girls Mowed the Lawn

I’m a girl. My husband is a boy. There are things that I do better than him. And there are plenty of things that he does better than me. That doesn’t mean he’s lesser and I’m greater or vice versa. But as a team, we get the job done.

In our home, our children were required to do daily chores including (but not limited to) washing dishes, vacuuming/sweeping floors, taking out the trash, and mowing the lawn. Chores were assigned based on age and ability (not “willingness”) and were expected to be done in a timely manner. I never came behind them to “fix” or complete their chores. If their task wasn’t done to my expectation, I would explain/demonstrate accordingly then require them to try again (sometimes with my help as necessary). This exercise taught me just as much about patience and diligence as it taught them good cleaning habits.

One thing we never did was differentiate the chores based on gender. Bathrooms were divided (or as they got older, alternated) amongst the children. Lawn mowing, pulling weeds, or cleaning up the dog poop was shared by all.

My children will attest to disliking this plan; but I’m convinced it taught them many things. Most of all, they learned:

1. Skill and practicality. Someone needed to clean the bathrooms and mow the lawn. When my children were young, I was blessed to have weekly help. The deep cleaning was done by someone who was not chasing after the children or teaching them to read. Anyone who has raised even one child understands the sheer exhaustion from changing diapers, shuffling kids to play dates, and keeping up with doctor appointments, grocery shopping, and the routine tasks that just seem to pop up every day. However, I distinctly remember walking into my kids’ bathroom one day to find toothpaste smudged in the sink and dirty clothes strewn about. When I asked the child to whom the clothes belonged to put them in the hamper, he responded, “Why? Bianca will be here tomorrow. She will clean it up.” That night as I discussed my day with the hubs, we decided that Bianca would need to seek employment elsewhere. We were not raising pampered kids. At times, this required me to stop what I was doing to show them how to do a task; but usually after a short demonstration, they could finish.
2. Discipline. As a family, we’ve traveled to many wonderful places, met great people, and experienced much of the world. But it was very important that my children understand that discipline does not come from fun but hard work. At some point, they would need to fly the coup and I was determined to ensure their success. I also learned discipline in teaching not just taking over.
3. Empathy. My boys may never need to clean toilets as adults; but they will be able to appreciate and relate with whomever is cleaning their toilets. The same goes for the girls. If they have no need to run the mower as an adult they will remember the hot, muggy summer days in which they struggled with a machine that didn’t always run properly or go the direction in which they forced it.

My daughter, Micah, recently told me a story from her days as a manager of a local movie theatre. Two teen girls had just been hired as ushers whose duties included doing bathroom checks. Anything out of order in the bathroom was their responsibility to wipe down, pick up, or sweep. They lasted just one evening because they refused to “clean” the bathroom. We laughed remembering how Micah, on a different occasion, had been the only one willing to clean up vomit after a sick patron. The task was simply to pour disinfectant powder over the mess, allow it to dry up, then vacuum it up. Definitely not glamorous; but, ultimately, earned her a promotion.

If doling out chores sounds harsh, perhaps it is. But I am pleased to say that as adults my “kids” have no problem doing whatever it takes to get the job done; and I attribute that to being conditioned to work from a young age. I’m not talking slave labor. They had lots of playground time, birthday parties, and field trips to entertain them; but not until after the work was complete.